Well this layout is all new

Ages again since i last blogged on here or on my other blog .  So much happened during last year and the title of my blog seems very apt .  Just after Christmas last year (2011) my mum had to be admitted to hospital , her potassium levels were dangerously high .  Her kidney function was already down to only 20% and with her age , she was 88 yrs it was viewed as very serious .  After treatment she was allowed home on New Year's day (2012) .  I said i would do her meals for her as she had to be very careful with her diet plus being disabled by now she wasnt cooking a proper meal for herself too often .  On July 2nd 2012 in the afternoon i had a phone call from her DR saying they wanted to admit mum to hospital because of an infection in her leg .  My sister and i went up there and helped mum to get ready and pack her stuff . She hated hospitals and said to me she didnt want to go but i told her it would only be for a couple of days until they sorted out her infection .  In all my years i had never heard my mum ever complain about pain , but that afternoon she was crying and begging us to do something to stop the pain .  Her leg had swollen so bad it looked like an elephants leg .  Anyway we waited for the ambulance to arrive and as they took mum my sister and i went on in the car .  When they arrived my mum had apparently nearly flat-lined in the ambulance and they were so angry as her Dr had left them no notes on her condition or what her stats were !  They found her a bed and we waited for the hospital DR to come and examine her .  In the mean time they had to give her morphine for the pain . The Dr came to speak to us after and this is when my world came crashing down .  He told us mum was very seriously ill and they didnt think she would last the night .  We sat with her all through the night holding her hand and just after 7-00am she passed away with her family surrounding her .  The next few days passed in a daze for us .  My sister and i had to go and sort mum's flat out and it took us quite awhile . We made her funeral a celebration of her life and it was beautiful .. we did her proud that day ! The last few months i've spent trying to get my head around it and then in November 2012 i was told that my smear test showed positive for pre-cancerous cells and i would need treatment .  I stayed strong until after i had the treatment and then i kinda collapsed !  I hadnt been this depressed for many many years .  I couldnt mention mum's name without breaking down and the stupidist things had me in floods of tears .  I was dreading Christmas , which is my favorite time of the year , because this would be the 1st one without mum .  Anyway i had promised my daughter a Christmas quilted wall-hanging so i made myself make a start on it and having something to focus on helped me a lot .  I then got the decorations out and put them up .  As i looked around at the tree and lights i felt some how calm and thought this year mum you can come and visit us at Christmas .    Despite us asking her mum hadnt left her flat for years because of her illnesses and every year i would cook mum her Christmas dinner and take it up to her , now she could come and visit us all .  This thought helped me get through Christmas .

You know the day will come when you will lose your mum and dad ( Dad died in 1985 ) but it is a terrible thing when it does happen and breaks your heart in a thousand pieces !

I'm praying and hoping that this year will be a better year for us as a family .  We do have something good to look forward to as my youngest daughter Ruth is getting married in August of this year . She has already picked her dress and it is beautiful and she looks amazing in it .  Her bridesmaid dresses are all sorted and my dress is sorted as well .  I will be giving her away as she lost her dad in 2006 and i am so excited about it .  I know we will miss the loved ones who cant be with us in person but i'm very sure they will be there in spirit proudly looking on ..... Whilst you keep their memories alive in your heart they will never be truly gone !

Thank you for stopping by and reading this .. Take care love and hugs
Melita xx